Performative Celebrations

By Bhadra Menon, SYBA

Performative Celebrations: The Art of Curating the Perfect Aesthetic Party

A family’s collection of home videos is often their most prized possession. It is an archive of one’s family life, of every milestone that was hit, every joy that they experienced and deemed important enough to record. My father’s (brand new at the time) digital Sony camera was basically a member of our family with how often it featured in our celebrations.  If you’re anything like me, you find great joy in combing through these videos. It is a favourite pastime of mine to witness these memories that no longer exist in my mind and to jokingly whine about how I hit my prime at the age of two. As is true for many families, a substantial portion of our library is occupied by videos of birthday parties. It evokes feelings of great fondness to see your younger self sitting wide eyed in front of a cake blazing with candles, dressed in your best and poofiest dress, as your entire world surrounds you and sings the happy birthday song. Revisiting these memories however, raises an important question in my mind; when did birthdays stop being about genuine celebration?

The point of a party is to celebrate. A birthday party to celebrate someone’s life, an anniversary party to celebrate one’s relationship, or a congratulatory party to celebrate career milestones like a promotion. Over time, without us even noticing in fact, these occasions became an opportunity to curate the perfect Instagram dump rather than being a cause for joy and revelry. Where we once looked forward to catching up with loved ones we haven’t seen in a while, sharing food and laughter, and building community, we now focus on inviting exactly the right number of guests that will fit in a cute group photo and set time aside for the sole purpose of getting enough shots to splash across social media. There is absolutely nothing wrong with capturing memories, especially when we have the convenience of doing so in the blink of an eye with a device that lives in our pockets. However, this becomes problematic when the intention of such an action is solely to exhibit the artificially candid photos of you and your friends laughing, just so your followers know how much love and happiness you have in your life. When you reach the point of using up all your storage in an effort to capture a shot of you looking effortlessly chic, it is time to take a step back. Ask yourself, when was the last time you took a video just for you to look back, When was the last time you took a photo without the thought of, “this would look good on my Instagram story”, running through your mind. 

Home videos were never created with the idea of showcasing them to an audience. At most, they were shown to visiting relatives as a way to catch up, and even then, no one cared about how bad the lighting was or how weirdly zoomed in the camera was the whole time. They were intimate keepsakes meant only to capture memories and nothing more. In fact this wasn’t just true for home videos, it also holds true for things like photo albums. If you were to ask your parents about their wedding album, one of them would probably pull out an ancient booklet, full of photos that you may have never seen before. We might be the last generation to experience the authenticity of a blurry, shaky video captured on a dingy video camera by a parent who is not tech savvy in the least. In fact, the absence of this authenticity makes people crave it all the more. People often try their hardest to click a photo that is just blurry enough to convey just how much fun everyone was having, but also just clear enough that it doesn’t get labelled as “unaesthetic”. Ironically enough, in our pursuit of genuineness, we have mastered the art of artificially getting the perfect yet imperfect shot. Younger generations are so desperate for the “vintage feel" that they slap grainy, brown filters over their shots. The rise in the popularity of polaroids can be credited to the same.

There is a reason why we have always treasured the act of documenting our celebrations. The act of getting together wasn’t about the spectacle of it all, rather, it was about reaffirming our relationships. Moments spent with your loved ones sharing gossip, playing games, laughing at one another, are precious to most and having proof of these occasions was important. It’s not that humans at large no longer care about community or belonging. Rather, the fact is that with the rise of social media platforms, we have been conditioned into believing that having good relationships and connections does not matter if other people don’t know about it. “Pics or it didn’t happen” might be an outdated phrase but it is one that we have learnt to live by.  This fear of being viewed as uncool or lonely if you don’t have your social life splashed across Instagram is not a completely irrational fear. In a world where the internet has become the primary mode of communication and connection, tons of people form first impressions about others based on their social media profiles. A follower count speaks on your behalf before you even have an opportunity to speak for yourself. 

It is incorrect to assume that younger generations at large are no longer invested in their community or in building genuine connections. The truth is that today’s youth has never known a world without social media. They have not seen it in its original form as a tool for connection but have only known it as a platform for people to perpetuate the illusion of a perfect, aesthetic life. As a result, their perception of community has been skewed by curated feeds, where belonging is often measured not by the depth of relationships but by how well those relationships can be displayed. Young people still crave authenticity and intimacy but they are forced to navigate a culture that prioritises the performance of connection over the connection itself. Refusing to subscribe to these ideas is definitely an option, just not a great one because the consequences of doing so is feeling unfulfilled with your life and your relationships solely because it does not always match the ideal you see on screen.

While young people might be the main victims of such a phenomena, it would be ignorant to assume that there has been no impact on older generations. Your uncle who posts his every move on Facebook, your aunt who publicly celebrates everyone else’s achievements, your dad who makes you post a status on Whatsapp from his profile for your own birthday, they are all proof of how performative celebrations have begun to feel necessary in order to prove our love and commitment to one another. We see new parents throw extravagant, themed parties for toddlers who can barely even form a word, much less enjoy such an affair. This poses a stark contrast to the kind of intimate, family centred celebrations that marked occasions like these. Romantic relationships are similarly affected. Someone who doesn’t post about their partner often is framed as being less invested in the relationship solely because they choose not to broadcast their affection. The depth of the couple’s connection in real life takes a back seat to public perception. Performativity has infiltrated all age groups and social situations, making the camera the centre of the occasion rather than the other way round.

The awareness of being filmed also greatly impacts our behavior and in turn our interaction with one another. As sociologists and anthropologists have long noted, celebrations and rituals are the tools we utilise for social connection. The awkward elements of celebrations, like having an entire group sing an off key rendition of the birthday song while one sits there mortified, cutting and sharing cake, reacting carefully to the gifts received; all these actions gave rise to opportunities for shared vulnerability. Everyone had a similar experience and it became a quintessential part of celebrations. With a camera pointed at you however, the pressure to perform comes into play. No one wants to be viewed as ‘not’graceful  or uncool, especially when the risk of getting posted online exists. As a result, everyone censors themselves and forces unnatural interactions that diminish the joy of celebrating. The threat of spectatorship takes away from the experience.

This ties in with Erving Goffman’s dramaturgical theory (1959). He argued that people view life as a stage where people are constantly performing for the benefit of an audience. Their social interactions are also an element of this performance. Traditional, awkward celebrations allowed for what he referred to as “backstage” behavior, encouraging the kind of intimate, authentic and imperfect experiences that reinforced bonds. Pierre Bourdieu’s concept of habitus (1977) and cultural capital also applies here. Big, extravagant parties and celebrations are used to showcase one’s social capital. It is a stage for people and their families to display their cultural capital ensuring that, even in intimate moments, social hierarchy is strictly maintained.

The theory of simulacra and simulation (1981) as posited by philosopher Jean Baudrillard  speaks of how all reality and meaning has been replaced by mere representations of reality, a phenomenon which he referred to as hyperreality. This theory is put into practice when celebrations become secondary to their synthetic, produced for camera version.

We also cannot ignore how the pressure to perform has led to commercialisation of the same. The aesthetics of a party are now commodified with every color scheme, dessert table, and floral arrangement is designed for visual appeal rather than enjoyment. Event planning is nothing new but when every small celebration is stripped of its personal touch and shaped to suit an aesthetic picked up off of Pinterest, we transform parties and gatherings into staged productions. The expectation to host such extravagant affairs weigh heavily on those with a limited disposable income, creating a situation where they either feel dissatisfied with their economic and social status, or overspend and feel an immense sense of guilt that prevents them from enjoying the occasion. It reaches a point where performative celebration is not just a social phenomenon, it is also an economic one that reinforces hierarchies via consumerism while framing it as “cute and aesthetic”. 

Retailers, event planners, and social media influencers profit from this phenomenon they sell kits, themes, plans and other pre-designed concepts that promise the perfect party. Commercialisation reinforces the cycle: curated parties generate content, content reinforces cultural expectations, and cultural expectations drive further consumption. It is a vicious cycle that never ends in emotional satisfaction but rather the belief that going bigger and better for the next occasion will provide the fulfilment that one craves.

  (from Lemon8 by @alldaypay)

The transformation of personal celebrations into performative events cannot be understood without considering the role of social media. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and Snapchat have created an environment in which visibility equals validation. According to a study by the Pew Research Center (2021), 59% of adults aged 18–29 reported feeling pressure to share socially acceptable and visually appealing content online. 

Performative celebrations also have real psychological consequences. Researchers studying social comparison theory have found that people have the natural tendency to assess their own lives against those of others. Social media amplifies this process with its curated feeds and explore pages that feed you perfectly aesthetic content that seems like proof of a perfect life. It all looks effortless and beautiful but what you don’t realise is that, in order to get that sweet shot of an Instagram model looking out of the window while hanging onto a bouquet of flowers , at least ten takes were required to get the lighting just right. The innumerable number of cool reels and birthday outfit transitions are often filmed on a separate day devoted to just birthday themed content creation. It is not just a day to celebrate, but rather an opportunity to present a false and beautified image of yourself online. Young people may feel that their gatherings are insufficient or even lame when compared to these carefully staged images they scroll through, leading to feelings of inadequacy and diminished satisfaction.

Moreover, the focus on documentation diminishes genuine presence. Mindfulness research  suggests that immersion in an experience, in this case fully attending the party and interacting with the people around you, is crucial for emotional memory and well-being. When participants are preoccupied with angles or the richness of the moment is lost. The laughter, spontaneous conversations, and small imperfections that give celebrations meaning are sacrificed to maintain the appearance of perfection.

It is important to note that just as this phenomenon is not restricted to younger generations, it is also not restricted to specific cultures. While Western celebrations dominate social media, these performative tendencies can be observed in various parts of the world. In East Asia, the trend of birthday cafes is growing rapidly. South Asian wedding culture that has traditionally been centred around both families, now places its focus on designer lehengas, sangeet dances with a high production value, and curated social media content that place a strong emphasis on wealth and status. The pressure to perform, therefore, is not limited to anyone demographic. The dominance of social media has made every type of community a victim of the same. 

Ultimately, the phenomenon of performative celebration is symbolic of a broader cultural shift; the intersection of one's identity with their social media persona . Staged photographs and tasteful celebrations are not inherently evil. It simply has a negative impact when taken too far that replaces genuine connection and imposes unrealistic expectations. Performative celebrations, when unchecked, replace intimacy with spectacle. The joy of a birthday, the warmth of a wedding, the pride of a promotion, these are not things that must be measured using the scale of likes, reposts or followers on social media. It is about the connections and bonds you form when you choose to share your happiness with others in the form of a celebration.  The challenge now is for us to navigate this new landscape thoughtfully, by preserving the memories that are precious to us while still indulging in the richness of life without the aid of social media. A balance is possible: taking a few curated photos while remaining present, staging moments intentionally but still valuing human connection over perfection. Embracing imperfection, laughter, and intimacy allows us to reclaim the original purpose of celebration. Look back at your best childhood memories and you will understand what I mean. When I watch my father’s Sony tapes, I am not looking for perfect composition or lighting. I am searching for evidence of feeling; my mother’s voice telling me to blow out the candles, my brother laughing at my clumsy efforts, and my father’s hand jostling the camera as he tries to help me. Video evidence of our shared love and affection for one another is infinitely more precious than any polished, professional photoshoot that exhausts me and prevents me from actually enjoying the occasion that I am meant to be celebrating.

References:

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